In the Middle of the Bell Curve

Hello everyone, 

My name is Sam, I am a doctor and like all doctors, being in medicine is my entire personality. So when I was thinking of a name for this blog, my thoughts were more along the lines of "thedepresseddoctor", "thestrugglesofadoctor" and discussing this with my boyfriend. And true to a fault, he said the same thing, and I said, "Yes, if there is a bell curve, I am smack dab in the middle of it." The most average, normal, depressed '99er just like everyone else. Regardless of my profession. 

I thought of writing as a way to clear my head so I am not sure if anyone would read this or not. I have told this anecdote to many people, that at all times, my head is like 15 railroad tracks, all intersecting, with trains on all of them just barely avoiding collision, with a dog and a baby roaming around always on the verge of high speed impact, and a building in the background on fire. I think maybe writing it down would help me channel all this in a better way. And maybe people like me could benefit from this, my experience in trying to cope with the world. Except the ultra-rich, I think we're all just ...... coping. 

And yet we try to find the small happiness in life, in the mundane. Seeing someone cut a turtle out of a plastic bag on reels surely makes me happy for the next 5 seconds. And then it's back to this cloud of sadness that exists in the everyday. And sometimes all the feelings that one feels becomes so overwhelming that all one can do is lie down, curl up and drown. But in that moment, naming the feelings and thinking not about how to get out of this, but what you're actually feeling, really helps. And that's what this blog is going to be, me trying to name the feelings. Just rage over the internet, and get rid of the anger that consumes me every second of everyday. The anger towards any adults, any seniors, anyone who litters on the road, towards the people who have destroyed the world I was supposed to live in, the people who make it hard for me to ever imagine having a house of my own. The anger of watching my world burn around me, my personal world, as well as the whole world itself. 

I realise this may be filled with a lot of hateful feelings, a lot of emotions and pent up rage and frustration. I urge the reader, that if this affects them, if they do not like what they feel when they're reading this, and if you believe "ignorance is bliss" then of course, they should close this tab and move to something else. To everyone who would like to stay, welcome. I hope we heal each other. 

Thank you so much for your time. 

Also, I will not take the time out to edit grammar or spelling mistakes, I am no writer. This is the Burn Book blog-style.